I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
