Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
