The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
