Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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