just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
