is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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