I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
