I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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