She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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