he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize