just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
