I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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