I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize