I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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