she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
