No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
