I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
