my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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