I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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