I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
