eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
