i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
