4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
