I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
