i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
