I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
