I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
