Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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