The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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