quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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