What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
