1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize