I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
