It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
