he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
