Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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