They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
