Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
