I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
