saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
