Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Someone shattered a urinal.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
