the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
