No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
