she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
