True but thats because hes a fetus.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize