i can't believe i had my finger in that
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
