Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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