just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize