Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
