Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
