How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
