He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
