He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
