I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
