So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
