I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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