Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
