What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
