I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
