I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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