He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
