I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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