Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
