I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
