I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
