he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
