Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
