So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
