Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
