Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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