Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
