im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
