She is in my trunk
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
