I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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