Your face is a jimmy john
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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