sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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