you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
where are you?
Hypothermia
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
