i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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