Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
