well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
what day is it and did you see me today?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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