saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
