hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
