I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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