Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
