i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
organizing the empties. That sober.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
