It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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