i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
