if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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