i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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