I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
