Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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