Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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