She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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