a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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