If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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