Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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