You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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