I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
