My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
