just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
