My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
