so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm always down for nudity.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize