He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
