I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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