he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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