dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
