time to smoke my breakfast
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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