im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
