Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
if only i could text you this smell
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
