I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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