I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Randomize
