you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
