I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
