Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
