his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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