i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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