And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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