Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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