I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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