can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
