Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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